One of the most interesting loads we have hauled since switching to flatbed is onions. They are usually contained in 50-pound mesh bags and stacked on crates and wrapped in more mesh material. There are usually 45 such bags on each crate which equals 900 bags per load. This means 20 crates tightly loaded on our flatbed trailer.

Onions have to breathe, but not get wet. If they get wet and can’t dry fast enough, they will mold. This means they have to be tarped in a way that keeps them dry, and yet allows airflow. After much trial and error, and consulting our new friend–YouTube–we perfected a way of tarping these onion loads.

We learned on one such load, what is behind the fact that onions make people cry.

We were loaded late on a Friday right before the onion distributor closed. They did not have a scale, and we had a 53′ step deck trailer for the first time. Our company has three types of trailers:

• 48′ fixed split axle flatbed
• 53′ sliding rear axle flatbed
• 53′ step deck sliding rear axle step deck

The center point for weight distribution varies on each trailer and axle setup. This was our first time with a step deck and also the first time our onion loader encountered one. Simply put, the Department of Transportation has defined maximum weights for each axle on a commercial vehicle. That is the reason for the scales you pass on the interstate. Each state/city/county has determined the amount of weight their roads can handle with little or no damage. If a commercial vehicle is found to be over that weight, the driver is fined predetermined amounts. These funds go to repairing the roads.

We were loaded correctly to the best of our knowledge (which was wrong) and headed the 50 or so miles to the nearest scale to verify our weight. We got the scale ticket and realized, we are 6 thousand pounds over the limit on our trailer axles! That is real, real bad, and we realized we are going to have to park back at the shipper until Monday morning and get it fixed.

We were heading back to the shipper, and I saw one of the large home improvement stores had a light in an open door of their warehouse. It was approximately midnight by this time. I told Freckles to Google the number and call them. She looked at me like I was crazy, which is redundant, because that’s already obvious and documented. But she called them and handed me the phone.

A security guard answered and stated they were closed. I told him yes, I figured, but that if there happened to be a forklift operator in the warehouse, I just saw with the lights on, I would pay him to move a couple of crates on my flatbed to make my weight legal. After a couple of seconds of silence he said, “Yeah, come on.”

We caught the next exit, turned around and wiggled our way through the parking lot to the back door with the light on. A forklift driver comes out and refuses any compensation before moving two crates to the front quickly. He just wanted to hear trucker stories, and I provided a few. I shook his hand and have since pledged my undying loyalty to this particular chain of stores, as this turned out to be only the first time they have helped me for free over the last few years.

We race back to the scale and realize we are still a few hundred pounds over. I know now, that’s no big deal really, but at that time in our career- I was worried. I took six 50 pound bags and threw them on the floorboard of the truck and that was enough to be the perfect balance of weight. Freckles was unhappy, to say the least, about sharing our living space with six bags of onions for 2k+ miles across the country, but I was happy with my creative solution. The smell was not pleasant. But I acted as if it was great because I’m a man… and that’s what men do. This was only the beginning of the problems on this run it turns out. The good news, the rest of the problems weren’t ours.

We got to the receiver and I checked in. The manager tells me to back up to dock two, which I can see from where I am standing. I look and say, “We have a step deck, and it will be a lot lower than that dock.”

He looks at me like, “how dare you question my instructions!” And repeats, “Dock 2!”

I say yes sir, and remember that I don’t know a lot. I humbly back up to dock two, unstrap and untarp as directed. Out comes a forklift driver runs down the ramp onto the flatbed and picks up a pallet of onions. He puts it in reverse and tries to back up the ramp. His tires spin and he slides a little sideways. What happens then, seem to happen in slow motion. The bags of onions start to topple over and indeed do topple over. Bags of onions everywhere. The forklift driver jumps out and starts stacking them back on the crate as fast as he can. I join him in trying to stack them back on the crate. Next thing I know, the man who had me back up to this dock is out on the dock and his face is turning colors I have never seen before. He starts picking bags of onions up with us. He is mumbling something how hard is to find good help and stuff.

I’m just saying stuff like, “Well, that was pretty tough to do and stuff…” trying to defend the forklift driver.

The angry guy and the forklift driver disappear in the warehouse and the angry guy comes back on a newer, fancier forklift. I mean this thing was nicer than my first car. He is alone because he has fired the original forklift driver for incompetence. He rolls his eyes and says, “I guess I will unload you since he couldn’t.”

He whips down onto the trailer bed, puts its forks just right. He lifts it and puts it in reverse. This new forklift even had a pleasant beeping sound. He backed up to the dock with a crazy futuristic whirring sound. I am thinking, “wow I will be unloaded in no time! Sweet!”

He starts to climb the ramp back up to the dock, and it was like an even slower slow motion instant replay. Tires spin, crate tilts- onions everywhere. I helped this man stack bags of onions back on his crate, I don’t know how many facial muscles it takes to hold in a smile in that situation, but I used them all. The angry guy disappears back into the warehouse never to be seen again. A new forklift driver comes out, and he’s nervous as hell. I suggest that he unload me from the side and set the crates on the dock. He does and all is well.

I would like to think the original forklift operator got his job back, but I don’t know. I’m sure there is a scientific explanation, but as far as I’m concerned, I witnessed the reason onions make us cry.